Standing By The Bay
by Charlottlette
Summary: Prequel to White Butterflies! Having never loved before, Shuichi reflects on the hardship of having to choose between the two men he loves most...
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer-Gravitation does not belong to me.  
  
Standing By the Bay by Charlottlette  
  
I was a fool to think that I could melt through his icy facade. I had held such foolish thoughts in my head for so long, encouraged somehow by the melting chocolate brown depths of his eyes. He told me many times that I was a fool to love him, and I should have listened. The heart only knows what it wants, it seems, and I had wanted to only be with him.  
  
That need had blinded me to what was in front of me all along. It had kept me from seeing the one person who was truly right for me, who had been there for me all along.  
  
I smiled, thinking of this, thinking of all the good times we had shared. We had been childhood best friends, the stereotypical hyper, mischivious child and his more mature, but outgoing best friend.  
  
From the moment we met, we instantly clicked. Neither of us were really into sports. We prefered quieter times, just chilling in the backyard, talking the day away. It seemed like he was the only one who could put up with my short attention span, encouraging me to concentrate on my studies. That was the way my best friend Hiroshi was.  
  
As nice as he was to me, he also liked to mess with me, teasing me for my short stature, my shoulder length red hair and dark eyes. I never felt awkward for some reason whenever he would lean in close to me and twirl my hair between his fingers.  
  
"You know, you're going to make someone a beautiful bride someday, Shindou- san." he teased.  
  
My eyes widened. "Bride? No way! I'm a guy!" I exclaimed.  
  
Hiro snickered. "You sure about that? With that long hair of yours, you look more like a girl to me." he teased.  
  
I blew off his comments, knwing he was only trying to get me riled up. He always told me that I took things that people said too seriously, that I was too sensitive for my own good. In that way, I was grateful for his friendship.  
  
We were able to provide for each other what we could not find within ourselves. As protective as he was of me from others, I tried to be the best companion he could ask for. He told me that I never failed in that aspect, that I was always there for him the way he was for me.  
  
The boys in school envied our close friendship, as much as they scorned us for hanging out so much. Our female schoolmates were a completely different story. While most of them thought I was a nerd and a loner, they all swooned over Hiro.  
  
It was easy to see why. He was taller than most, with longish dark brown hair and dark eyes like mine. He was quiet and serious, but always cheerful. His popularity only rose as we got older and he decided he wanted to learn how to play guitar.  
  
I followed him into his musical interest, dabbling in writing music and lyrics. We idolized a band called Nittle Grasper, a cutting edge rock group that practically reinvented the music industry.  
  
They were groundbreaking in the fact they had no guitarist, just two keyboardists and their stunning lead singer, my rock god Ryuuichi Sakuma. I idolized him so much in fact that he was the reason that I styled my hair in the shaggy hairstyle he wore. Hiro let his hair grow long over time as well, his hair like a mane that flowed neatly just past his shoulders.  
  
It was my obsession with Ryuuichi that changed my life as I knew it. Whenever Hiro and I would camp out and watch Nittle Grasper videos or listen to their CD's, he would tease me, saying that it seemed as though I had a crush on my hero.  
  
"A crush? That's silly. Only girls get crushes." I scoffed.  
  
"Not always. You admitted it yourself that Ryuuichi personifies everything you look for in a mate, attractive, funny and with talent to spare. Maybe you're just attracted to guys instead of girls. There's nothing wrong with that." Hiro said.  
  
There was a part of me that thought hard about Hiro's words after that, wondering if he might be right. I had never been interested in dating that much, even if a girl had showed interest in me.  
  
I was always too busy composing music on the computer my parents bought for me when I had turned fourteen, thrilled that I had taken an interest in something productive. The rest of the time I spent with Hiro, writing song lyrics and hanging out.  
  
As for Hiro, he never dated as far as I knew. He would always tell me with a smile that he prefered my company, even as highstrung and flighty as I was. I accepted that he was probably dead on about his perception of me, and he accepted me despite that.  
  
My sister, however, was a completely different story. Tall, blonde and spunky, it was hard to tell that we were fraternal twins, except for our matching attitudes. Even though she wasn't privately ashamed of her gay brother, she cringed whenever she would see Hiro and I together at school.  
  
"Don't hassle me, okay? Everybody knows that Hiro and I are best friends. We have been pratically since we were born. We're going to start a band someday too and be as famous as Nittle Grasper." I told her.  
  
She snorted. "You are such a dreamer, Shuichi, I swear!" she told me.  
  
I think what really made me decide that I was serious about becoming a rock star was the day I heard the news that Nittle Grasper had decided to disband. You had to imagine that I was pretty devastated. My sister and Hiro were there for me through the whole ordeal as I went through at least four facial tissue boxes in my despair. Hiro pratically held my hand as we watched the press conferences together, led by their lead keyboardist, Touma Seguchi.  
  
"It was just bad luck as far as Nittle Grasper is concerned. Circumstances out of our control have led us to this decision for now, and I cannot say for sure what the future will hold." he told reporters.  
  
"Hiro?" I asked him through my sobbing.  
  
He smiled weakly at me. "Yeah? What's up?" he asked.  
  
"I think...I think we should call our band Bad Luck, in honor of Nittle Grasper. What do you think?" I asked.  
  
He smiled, a honest smile this time. "I think you may have something there, Shindou-san." he told me.  
  
After that day, Bad Luck became my lifeline, mine and Hiro's. Together we dedicated ourselves to our cause, working tirelessly on song lyrics and composing music. I admired Hiro's talent. He had really become a master of his guitar, making all the girls in school fall even more in love with him.  
  
He never showed much interest in them though, dedicated more to our band and to his studies. He really was smart, talented and had a great sense of humor. My sister always told me that the girls liked him because he was a bad boy, someone who could make her classmates swoon just by smiling.  
  
I thought he had a great smile and great eyes, but I had never thought of him in that way, even though we teased each other sometimes about that. We used our close friendship to amuse the nerdy science room girls, who couldn't be convinced we weren't a couple.  
  
We worked that angle for their amusement, embracing affectionately and whatnot. I even caught myself shivering against my will once when he upped the ante by licking my ear for them. The girls had eaten it up, of course, and Hiro had grinned at me when he caught me blushing from what he had done.  
  
"For having come out, you sure aren't getting interested in other guys. What's up with that?" Hiro asked me.  
  
"I'm not in a hurry. When the right person comes along, I'll know it. What a prize he'll be getting when I become a rock star, huh?" I asked him.  
  
He beeped my nose affectionately. "I don't think that's it. I think you're just shy. Is it because you're nervous about your kissing technique? You pay me enough, I'll give you lessons. I'll even put my tongue in your mouth for a thousand dollars." Hiro teased.  
  
I blew off his teasing again, flopping down amongst my sheet music on my bed. "No thanks." I told him.  
  
He stood up and leaned over me on the bed, close enough that I could feel the heat of his body against mine. "I know what it is then. You enjoy my company so much, it relieves you of the need for anyone else, right?" he teased again.  
  
"I just do it out of pity really." I teased back.  
  
He grinned at my words. "Is that a fact? Pity, huh? I'll show you pity!" he exclaimed.  
  
There was no way Hiro could have muffled my shriek as he attacked me, he and I tickling each other senseless. My sister burst into the room in a blinding rage at all the noise we were amking, catching Hiro and I in what would look like to an outsider as a provacative pose. Our rough horseplay had caused his hair to get all wild and messy and his face pink from exhaustion.  
  
I was the worse off by far, Hiro's relentless tickling and squirming having loosened my already baggy shorts to rest above my thighs. My entire lower anatomy was exposed and I blushed furiously to cover myself up again.  
  
"You loverboys need to knock it off. Dinner's ready. The 'rents will be mad if you stay up here all night, doing whatever it is that you do." she told me, making a face.  
  
Hiro straightened himself up, smacking her hard on her backside. "Tell them we'll be right down." he said.  
  
She giggled from the unexpected action and left, us following shortly behind her. After dinner, I commanded myself, I am going ot focus on my studies and on my soon to be famous rock band Bad Luck...  
  
"I swear, you can be such an ungrateful snot sometimes, Shuichi. You'd think you'd be thanking me for getting you a last minute slot in the school talent show. I mean, it's not like anybody cares about this band of yours anyway." Maiko, my sister, said.  
  
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Says you. If that was true, we wouldn't have a paying gig opening for Ask, would we? You don't know what you're talking about, so be quiet." I told her.  
  
Hiro smirked, walking over to my sister, moving an arm to rest around her waist. "I'm grateful, Shindou-san's sis. I can show you how much if you want." he teased.  
  
She pushed him away. "You're all talk. Everybody knows your loyalty lies with my idiot brother." she said.  
  
I glared at her, refusing to give in to her taunts. Hiro just shrugged. "What can I say? Bad Luck is such an insatiable mistress, but oh so satisfying." he laughed.  
  
Maiko rolled her eyes in defeat. "You two are just hopeless." she said, walking away.  
  
I had always lived by the concept that if you worked for something hard enough for something, you would succeed no matter what. My faith in the success of Bad Luck, my self proclaimed soon to be most famous band in the world, had paid off in more ways than one.  
  
It was still Hiro and I against the world as it had always been, but now people were actually paying us to perform in clubs and such.  
  
We owed a lot to a talent scount that fell in love with our sound at one of our shows. He admitted to us himself that he had very clout where he worked, but together the three of us could be huge if we were willing to take the risk of him being our manager.  
  
His name was Sakano, a young businessman not much older than us himself who suffered from the worse kinds of paranoia and nervousness. He worried that his anxiety would scare us away, but he made up for it by scheduling us with well paid, high profile shows. The talent show that Maiko was putting together was a step down for Hiro and I, but he convinced me we should go for it anyway.  
  
Hiro and I decided to pass the time by reviewing the songs we had written for our set list, including a new one I had started writing that had no title as of yet.  
  
"Is this supposed to be a song or a poem, Shindou-san? Honestly, I can't tell." Hiro said.  
  
I snatched it out of his hands. "It's not finished yet. I'm still tweaking it." I told him.  
  
He watched me as I pulled a strawberry pocky stick out of it's box to eat. "You've been in some mood lately, Shindou-san. You really need to get laid." Hiro said.  
  
My eyes widened as I blushed furiously from his comment. "I can't believe you would something like that to me, Hiroshi. You know that I've never even kissed someone yet." I told him.  
  
"I haven't either, but I'm not the one that's frustrated here. Hey, you know it's all love between us, Shuichi. You just can't expect our music to fullfill all your needs, that's all." Hiro said.  
  
I sighed. "I probably just need some rest. Let's call it a night. I'll meet you in homeroom tomorrow morning, okay?" I asked.  
  
Hiro nodded with a smile. "Okay, buddy. See ya." he said.  
  
Slumping down on my bed with a heavy sigh, I barely glanced out of the corner of my eyes as Maiko barged into my room unannounced.  
  
"What the hell's the matter with you? I didn't invite you into my room." I told her.  
  
She shook her head angerily at me, her hands defiantly on her hips. "I couldn't help but overhear yours and Hiro's conversation, and I have to say, I have to agree with Hiro. You need to get a life outside of your band." she told me.  
  
"You don't understand, Maiko. Bad Luck is my life. You're both probably right that I've been letting it affect my moods lately, but I accept that as my cross to bear as an artist. As far as my love life goes, I admit that I'd like to meet someone, male or female, I don't care. It would just be nice to have someone to talk to besides Hiro, but I've accepted that he's the only one that wants anything to do with me." I told her.  
  
"That's not fair to Hiro though. I mean, all the girls in school are in love with him. It's selfish to keep him all to yourself." she told me.  
  
"I never forced Hiro to give up his social life for me. He's the one that made that decision. He supports me in everything I do, and I do the same for him. It would be nice if you were there for me too, Maiko." I said.  
  
Her eyes softened and she took me into her arms for an embrace. "Of course I support you, Shuichi. It's not easy having a crazy brother like you, but I love you anyway." she said.  
  
I returned her embrace with a weary, but grateful smile. "Thanks." I said. 


	2. introductions

Disclaimer-Gravitation does not belong tome. Author's note-Yes, the ideas for this story came directly from the anime and manga. This story was sorta like my own narrative on how I viewed the story in my own way. Thank you for reading! On with the story!  
  
Well, needless to say, we didn't win the school talent show, but that was okay. We didn't compete to win anyway. It was more because Maiko had gone through so much trouble and because it helped us get recognized at school for being the talented group we were.  
  
Even Sakano, who had attended at our invitation, had been impressed and remarked over and over again about how we were destined for stardom. There was no way anyone could have gotten me off the cloud that I was on after that, especially considering our big show with Ask that weekend.  
  
If you inquired about Hiro and I's opinions of the headlining group Ask, you would never get a positive response from either of us. As much as I respected any band that was willing to go out and make a name for themselves, the three of them regarded as industry rivals and considered themselves way above us talent wise.  
  
I refused to let their negative attitudes affect me though, even if I had been late for the interviews our bands were supposed to give to one of the local television stations. Ask was more than happy to fill the time that had been alotted to Hiro and I because of my tardiness, and it had taken both of us to revive Sakano because of that.  
  
With tears in his eyes, Sakano rose to his knees in front of me, gripping my hands in a death grip. "I'll forgive you if you promise not to let me down for the concert this weekend." he pleaded.  
  
Hiro put his arms around both our shoulders. "Don't worry. Shindou-san's never let anyone down before. That interview would have been a diaster anyway, with the way our bands dislike each other." Hiro said.  
  
I sighed witht relief, thrilled that Hiroshi had come to my rescue once again. I decided to take him out to lunch afterwards to thank him.  
  
"This is almost like a date, Shuichi, with you paying and all. I'll have to remember to protect you from Sakano from now on." he teased.  
  
I smiled. "I know. He's such a spaz, isn't he? I feel bad for making him worry though, after everything he's done for us. It make sme really want to be able to finish this song for him." I told him.  
  
"Oh yeah, that song. That poem you wrote, right? I don't know, Shuichi. It's really not up to your standard. You have to have a love life before you can write love songs." he told me.  
  
I smirked at him. "Come on now, Hiro. You know you're the only inspiration I'll ever need." I teased.  
  
He smirked back. "I bet you say that to all the boys. Such a flatterer." he teased back.  
  
We both laughed from the absurdity of our conversation and finished our meal in silence.  
  
It really wasn't in my habit to walk alone in the park in the middle of the night, but I guess Hieo and my sister's words had finally gotten to me. I rehashed over and over the things they had said to me and especially over what Hiro had said about the love song 'poem' as he called it that I had written. I wondered if I was too sensitive about my work, if this song really was up to par.  
  
That was the first night that I met...him.  
  
As I watched the fruit of my labor fly out of my hand and into his, the man made his presense known to me. The smoke from his cigerette tinged the air around us, his short honey blonde hair being swept across his face by the night breeze.  
  
It seems as though we stood there for the longest time, him contemplating my song with my staring at him. He looked down at me afterwards, startling me with the darkness of his intense eyes.  
  
"Is this yours? It's crap. Even a child could write better than this." he said.  
  
I was floored. No one in my whole life had ever said a cruel, hateful thing to me! I was so shocked, in fact, that I couldn't even find my voice in which to defend myself. I watched him as he walked past me, throwing my work to the ground.  
  
"I would reccommend that you start over and write about something that you understand. Love songs are obviously your weak point." he told me, walking away.  
  
I fell to my knees on the ground as I watched him walk away, grasping my paper in my hands in disbelief...  
  
"What do you mean, you haven't gotten the songs finished yet?! You're kidding, right? You've got to be kidding! Please tell me you're kidding!" Sakano exclaimed.  
  
I looked down at my hands in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Sakano. I really meant to have them ready. I've just had a lot of my mind, that's all." I said.  
  
"No, no, this can't be happening! The president of the company is going to kill me! There's no hope for me now...I might as well as do it myself!" Sakano shouted.  
  
"No, don't!" both Hiro and I shouted.  
  
We both grabbed Sakano's arms to keep him from jumping out the window as he threw it open and stepped out onto the windowsill. As our distraught manager struggled against us, Hiro turned to me.  
  
"I have to say, I'm a little surprised myself that the songs aren't finished. What's up, Shuichi?" he asked me.  
  
"I couldn't finish them. I met this guy last night who read my song and told me it was awful. After that, I reviewed my material and found that it really wasn't as good as it could be." I told him.  
  
"You met someone? Shuichi, you didn't tell me! He read your song and didn't like it, really? Who was he?" he asked.  
  
"I don't know. He didn't tell me his name. I remember that he was tall and slender, with short blonde hair and intense dark eyes. No one's ever said to me what he did last night." I told him.  
  
Hiro and I turned to face each other, releasing Sakano in the process, which was okay, since he was only trying to jump from a window on ground level anyway. Hiro rested his hand on my shoulder and led me over to the boardroom table.  
  
"And you're letting some guy whose name you don't even know affect you this much? That's not like you, Shindou-san. Tell you what. I arranged a date for you with a schoolamte of ours. You said you were cool with meeting a girl to have someone to talk to, right? Go ahead and take her out tonight and try to take your mind off your worries, okay?" Hiro asked.  
  
I smiled. "Thanks, Hiro. You're the best friend a guy could have." I said.  
  
"You know you can always count on me, buddy." he said.  
  
April was her name, the name of a month. She was a nice girl, Hiro's friend, and very pretty, but with everything that was going on with me personally, I couldn't fully appreciate the efforts she made to help me forget. My mind was consumed with thoughts of Hiro and of the mysterious blonde stranger.  
  
It never ceased to amaze me how good a friend Hiro was to me. He was dependable and kind, always looking out for my best interests. I always try to do the same for him, but I always feel that I come up a little short in achieving that. I had even told him so before and he laughed me off, saying that the fact that I was even concerned about that was proof enough.  
  
As far as the stranger went, I had really taken his critism to heart, knowing somewhere deep inside that friends would always be honest, but the real truth laid with one who really didn't know you at all.  
  
"Shuichi, did you write this song? It's really wonderful!" April told me.  
  
I looked up at her then, really seeing her for the first time. "You think so? What did you like about it?" I asked her.  
  
"I'm not exactly sure, but it kinda reminds me of some of my favorite songs. I mean, I could really see this being sang to some of yours and Hiro's music. The two of you are so talented. Bad Luck really should have won that talent contest. Your friend gave me tickets to the Ask concert too." she told me.  
  
I blushed slightly from her compliment. "Thanks. I'm glad you like our music. It's too bad that guy the other night didn't agree with you." I said.  
  
"Hiro told me about that. The opinion of some stranger doesn't mean anything. What matters is what you think." she said.  
  
I nodded weakly, not quite believing her. "Yeah. I guess you're right. It's getting late. We better get going." I said.  
  
After I dropped April off at her house with a kind embrace and a kiss on the cheek, I continued to walk home in the rain. More than ever, I was thinking about the words that April and the stranger had said to me. Despite the reassuring words she had said, there were still doubts planted there that I could not uproot. There was a huge part of me that wished I could find that intense blonde stranger and demand an apology for his harsh words.  
  
As if the cosmos had heard my unspoken need, I caught a glimpse, of him, driving in a fancy black sports car nearby! This was my chance...I had to stop him and force him to make amends for what he had done.  
  
I was so angry and determained that I didn't even hear the exsparated gasps that followed me as I threw himself in the path of his moving car. Needless to say, he didn't hit me, but he came close, drenching me with water from his tires. Getting out of his car, he faced me with more indigation than he had the night before.  
  
"What's the matter with you, you moron? Get into the car before you make an ass out of both of us." he said.  
  
The next thing I knew, I was sitting in my benefactor's living room, waiting from him to retrieve some bath towels from the bathroom. It had taken him a few minutes, considering that he took the time to change clothes, into a pair of tailored loose black pants and open to the waist white shirt.  
  
His eyes narrowed at me in curiousity as he watche dme take all of him in at once. Seeing him now in the light of his fancy, high-rise apartment, he really was an imposing sight. Taller than I remembered with a thin, feline body, all lean, sinewy muscle. I was literally awaestruck by him, by his presense.  
  
"Like what you see?" he aske dme.  
  
I blushed furiously. "I don't know what you're talking about." I said.  
  
He snorted. "The hell you don't. Why are you stalking me? You're way too young for me, you know." he said.  
  
"I'm not stalking you! I just stopped you because I wanted you to apolgize." I said.  
  
He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Apolgize? Why? I don't even know you." he said.  
  
"What?! I can't believe this! How can you say that to me after what you said last night to me int he park? How can you be so heartless? I think you should apolgize!" I shouted.  
  
He frowned. "Oh yes, I remember now. You're that lousy songwriter I met in the park who writes those infantile song lyrics. Well, you can just forget it. I never apolgize for anything, especially when I'm right. I think you need to leave now, little boy, before I have to throw you out. Do you understand?" he asked me.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sakano. You know how I work. If this group Bad Luck of yours is unable to produce a finshed product for me, I have no choice but to put all my funding behind Ask instead." Touma told Sakano.  
  
"But Mr. Seguchi, Mr. President sir, please, please reconsider. Their lead singer and songwriter has been going through emotional turmoil lately and..." he began.  
  
Sakano jumped back, startle, as his platinum haired boss angerily slammed his fists down on the desk to get his point across. Known for being very kind but firm, the former keyboardist for Nittle Grasper and now president of his own record company, Touma Seguchi was a force to be reckoned with.  
  
"That is no excuse! If this so-called vocalist of yours cannot handle the pressure of the business he has chosen, he should have never taken the risk to begin with! You know I have zero tolerance for such nonsense, Sakano. I will not back a band who cannot produce the results I desire." Touma said.  
  
Both men turned as a redhaired force of nature, namely myself, thundered into my boss' office, the promsied music in hand. "Fear not. I have arrived." I said.  
  
Touma smiled and applauded. "Very good. I had no doubts that you would arrive in time, despite your manager's lack of faith in you. It;s nice to finally meet you. Your name is Shuichi Shindou, am I right? My name is Touma Seguchi." he said.  
  
I shook his hand. "Oh yes, I definitely know you, Mr. Seguchi. Nittle Grasper is mine and my bandmate's all time favorite band. You and Mr. Sakuma are the reason we started Bad Luck." I gushed.  
  
"Well then, it certainly is a pleasure then, to meet a talented young group and two dedicated fans as well. I look forward to seeing you in concert with Ask. I have some business to attend to this afternoon, but Sakano and I will review your music shortly." he said.  
  
"Thank you so much, Mr. Seguchi. You have no idea how much this means to me." I told him.  
  
"Please call me Touma and I'll see you soon, Shuichi." he said. 


	3. first kiss

Disclaimer-Gravitation does not belong to me.  
  
On cloud nice after meeting one of my all time idols, I barraged Hiro with all my news at once as Sakano tried to fiqure out the remotes on the entertainment center in the company boardroom.  
  
"Congratulations on finishing the songs for us, Shindou-san. I knew that going out with April would cheer you up enough to forget about what that guy said to you." Hiro said.  
  
"Oh yeah, him. I saw him again last night." I said.  
  
"No kidding? So, did you get his name this time?" he asked.  
  
I shook my head. "No. Damnit, I forgot! I was too busy trying to get him to apologize for what he said the other night. I swear, he is the biggest jerk I've ever met in my life!" I said.  
  
"Wow. This guy must really be something if you're still thinking about him two days later. You sound like you're in love with this guy, Shindou-san. I have to say, I'm jealous." Hiro said.  
  
My eyes widened. "What?! You can't be serious! You think I'm in love with this jerk off? Did...did you say that you were jealous, Hiro?" I asked.  
  
He smiled at me then. "Of course. I mean, until now, it's just you and me, Shuichi. No one's ever been able to be close to you except for me. You can't really blame me, can you?" he teased.  
  
At that moment it was hard to tell if Hiro was being serious or not. It was reasonable to consider that our strong bond had sparked some strong feelings for each other, but it had never occurred to me that he might feel as strongly towards me as I did towards him.  
  
I shuddred against my will as he leaned in towards me, his face just inches from mine, his right hand coming to rest against my cheek. I inhaled sharply against his closeness, meeting his eyes with mine.  
  
"Hiro..." I began.  
  
"Shuichi...I think you should go find this guy and tell him how you feel." he told me.  
  
"But I can't. I don't even know his name." I told him.  
  
Mine and Hiro's brief intimate moment was interrupted by the sound of the television coming on and my attention being jostled by the sound of a familiar male voice.  
  
It was him.  
  
"If you're just now joining us, our guest today in the studio is romance novelist Yuki Eiri..." the lady interviewer said.  
  
I pointed at the screen. "That's him! That's the guy, the one I told you about!" I told Hiro.  
  
"How about that, Shindou-san? You sure know how to pick them. No wonder he was so hard on your songwriting. It all makes sense now, with him being a writer and all." Hiro said.  
  
"That's no excuse!" I shouted.  
  
"Then tell him him so. That interview is being shown live right now down the street. If you wait for him at his place, I'm sure he'll have to deal with you then." Hiro said.  
  
I nodded in agreement, leaving Hiro to explain my absense to our long suffering manager.  
  
I wasted no time getting to his apartments, ringing the doorbell incessantly for him to come down. I knew his name now. It was Yuki Eiri, primarary candidate for dickhead of the year. I don't know where he got off thinking he was so much better than anyone else, just because he was a published writer. Despite what Hiro said about me being in 'love' with him as he put it, couldn't be any furthur from the truth. I hated this man and I wanted him to get his comeuppance for making me feel like a fool.  
  
"You again? I thought you claimed you weren't stalking me? Why don't you leave me alone, you little jackass?" Yuki said to me.  
  
"I know your name now, Mr. Yuki Eiri! You think you're so goddamn brillant just because you're a writer that you have to make other people feel bad about their accomplishments. I, for one, refuse to take your abuse lying down!" I shouted.  
  
He smirked at me. "That's got to be the lamest excuse I've ever heard. I think you've come over here today to ask me to come to your concert so I can hear this crappy little song of yours. So, when is this little concert of yours anyway?" he asked.  
  
"That's not the reason I came here today! Who said I wanted you to come anyway? I don't need your affirmation of my talents." I told him.  
  
"Then you're just wasting my time, moron. Go mess with someone else. I have a date that night anyway." he said.  
  
Watching him walk away again, I decided to follow him into his elevator. "Now wait just a minute! How could you possibly know what night our show is? I never even told you!" I exclaimed.  
  
'I have my ways. It wasn't too hard figuring out which one of these local shows some ignorant young band was opening for. I mean, you have some serious growing up to do before you can deal with someone like me." he said.  
  
"You're the one that's a fool if you think you can push people around like you do and get away with it! You need to consider ohter people's feelings besides you own!" I shouted.  
  
He smiled at me, a rather evil smile, as he closed the distance between us, pinning me against the elevator wall. My eyes widened as I looked up into his intense gaze.  
  
"You're absolutely right. I have been very selfish. I mean, all I've thought about since we met is the foolishness you've been spewing at me about your music, while I've been ignoring your obsession with me. Don't try to deny it. I know better. No one person in my entire life has ever shown an interest in me ever, unless they were secretly in love with me. I'm almost flattered, really." he said.  
  
I was nearly as floored by these words as I had been by his insults, unable to respond due to the lump in my throat.  
  
And that's when he kissed me.  
  
This was not a simple peck like I had given April the night before or even like Hiro had done to my ear for the science class girls. This kiss was serious. He was obviosly very experienced in this fashion, from the way his lips moved against mine, coaxing me to respond to him. I was unsure of what to do, being my first kiss, but I responded to him the best that I knew how.  
  
Whatever I did, he must have liked, because eh leaned that strong, muscular body against mine and deepened the kiss between us, my hands coming up to tangle in his hair as he kissed me senseless. My head was drowning in a sea of sensations, never ever having felt this way before.  
  
He parted from me slightly and slanted his mouth over mine with a groan, his hands moving down to my waist and underneath my shirt to touch my skin underneath. I was trembling now, all over, as we finally parted, and he left me alone in the elevator, too shocked by his actions to follow...  
  
If you hadn't known the next day that Nittle Grasper had broken up a few years before, you would have thought that they were rehearsing for an upcoming concert in the loval concert hall. At least that was my hope as Hiro and I performed our soundcheck doing nothing but Nittle Grasper covers. Nittle Grasper was our bond to each other, my way of reconnecting with my musical destiny after what had happened between the writer Yuki Eiri the night before.  
  
My first kiss, and it was with a man. Depite the fact that I had come out in my early teenage years, it was still very strange being kissed by a man that was so much older than I was.  
  
Depite his youthful apperance, our age differences were obvious. I had just turned eighteen myself, and he had to be at least in his late twenties, early thirties. From the forceful way that he claimed my mouth, I could tell he was very experienced romance wise and I had been helpless to resist his advances.  
  
I had never imagined a kiss would be like that, so consuming and passionate. When he had parted from me, I had wanted more. I wanted him to kiss me again, to feel his hands against my skin. I even told Hiro about what happened, and was surprised when he didn't tease me like he normally would.  
  
"It's not so surprising, Shindou-san. I mean, the last man you went into lust over was Ryuuichi Sakuma, Nittle Grasper's charming lead singer." Hiro told me.  
  
"That's not true! You shouldn't say things like that." I told him.  
  
"Oh come on now, I know the real truth. I remember when you cut your hair to look like his, bought the same shampoo you knew he uses, how you used to swoon like a teenaged girl whenever we would watch their videos, especially the ones where Ryuuichi would strip off his clothes..." Hiro began.  
  
I laughed nervously, thinking of this, knowing my friend's words were true. I had never told Hiro, of course, because I knew how much he would tease me, but I spent many a sleepless night dreaming and fantasizing about the dark haired man of my dreams.  
  
Until Hiro had told me to persue the elusive writer that had insulted me, I had almost been convinced that my best friend had fostered feelings for me. The look in his eyes as he had leaned in close to me was the same mock one he had always plastered on for our pranks with the science club girls. My heart had almost skipped a beat at that moment, my having always kept a small flicker of interest towards the only person who had always been there for me.  
  
All these conflicting emotions were rough on my psyche, and probably the reason I'd avoided getting involved with anyone. And what about Yuki and I? Did that kiss mean that he and I were a couple now? It was inconcievable to imagine someone being such a passionate kisser if there were no feelings behind it. There was a huge part of me that wished I had never met Yuki Eiri, and wanted instead to lose myself in thoughts of Bad Luck... 


	4. the concert

Disclaimer-Gravitation does not belong to me. Author's note-Yes, this is my version of the anime/manga, an exercise to write a narrative on it. For those waiting for the Hiro-Shu moments, it takes a while to get to that point but as a reward there will be a very hot scene in this one for Yuki-Shu. Enjoy! On with the story!  
  
"Oh by the way, Shindou-san, before we lapse into another Nittle Grasper song, you had a message from some woman. She says she wants to meet you at the Smokes Bar at midnight to talk about Yuki Eiri." Hiro said.  
  
I snatched the message from his hands. "What?! Well of course, I'll meet her...but this is all so strange." I said.  
  
"I'll say it is. How does two idiots like you know Yuki Eiri, anyway?" a voice asked.  
  
Hiro and I turned to face the three musicians from the headlining group Ask, their vocalist being the one that spoke. At the time I hadn't known how much this man would later become a bane to my existance.  
  
"This message must have gotten delievered to Shuichi by mistake. I'm sure it was meant for Touma Seguchi. A music producer like him must have lots of friends in high places." Hiro told them.  
  
"That sounds feasible, more so than one of you knowing somebody that famous. We're depending on you fuckups to warm up the audience for us this weekend. Be sure not to screw up, Bad Luck." he said.  
  
"Don't worry. We'll be sure not to suck as much as the three of you do. See ya." Hiro told them, as they walked away.  
  
I disliked the way the bouncer stared at me as I walked into the bar that night, convinced that I was a teenaged hoodlum bent on underage drinking. This couldn't have been furthur from the truth, considering that Hiro and I had always looked at alchol as being a destructive force to our musical ability. I was there to meet this mystery woman to talk about Yuki Eiri.  
  
I had no idea who she was or what she looked like, but this person obvoisly knew who I was. She introduced herself as Mika, and told me she needed me to do her a favor. In return for speaking to her brother Yuki about his family obligations, she would help me and Hiro achieve whatever successes we wished.  
  
"You're Yuki's sister?!" I asked her.  
  
"Yes, and I am also Touma Seguchi's wife. The three of us are very close, and it seems as though you have penetrated our inner circle. As my brother Yuki's lover, I'm sure you can influence him to do the right thing." she said.  
  
"Well, I'm happy to talk to Yuki about the situation, but not for your reasons. My driend Hiro and I have worked hard for where we've gotten and we want to achieve fame and fortune by our own talent alone." I told her.  
  
"Very well. Have it your way. I admire your backbone, kid. I hope my brother will too." she said.  
  
I went to see Yuki that night, and he begrudgingly let me come in, afraid I would cause a scene and get him thrown out. He poured us both some hot coffee and studied me throughly as I told him what Mika had told me. My words seemed to anger him for some reason, and I couldn't understand why he would avoid his family for no good reason.  
  
"No good reason? You have no idea what you're talking about." he told me.  
  
"I know that family is important, and you should always be respectful of that fact. That much I do know." I said.  
  
He smirked at me. "You're in way over your head here, Shuichi. It doesn't surprise me that Mika would use you against me. What surprises me is that you went along with it. I'll bet she paid you money or bribed you with connections, am I right?" he asked.  
  
My eyes widened as he stepped close to me and grasped my face in his hands. I could feel his body heat, he was so close to me. I trembled under his angered look, frightened at the same time as I was intriqued by him. He took my silence as a postive response.  
  
"Fiqures. She bribed you, didn't she, and you took the bait to get your band signed with my brother-in-law. That doesn't surprise me. I had a feeling that kiss we shared meant as little to you as it did to me." he snarled.  
  
Shocked and pissed off by his words. I slapped his hands away and threw myself into his arms, taking possession of his mouth in a fierce, demanding kiss. He quickly wound his arms around me in response, crushing my small body against his as he plundered my mouth until I was breathless.  
  
"I had no ulterior motive for telling you that! Yes, Mika made offers, but I turned them all down. I just came tonight because her words concerned me and because...I wanted to see you again! Those kisses may have not meant anything to you, but they meant something to me!" I shouted.  
  
He turned away from me then, unable to meet my eyes. "You're lying...I want you to leave, right now." he said.  
  
After everything that had been happening lately, it was nice to finally get to spend some quality time with Hiro at his house. We had spent the night I went to the bar watching Nittle Grasper videos and talking, and now I was relaxing on his newly made bed as he snuck a smoke from his parents and tuned his guitar.  
  
"Hiro, do you ever regret the time you've put into making Bad Luck a success? I mean, you're nineteen and far superior to me mentally. You could have a real future somewhere down the road." I told him.  
  
He laughed. "That's nonsense, Shindou-san. I dedicated myself to our band because I wanted to. I believe in our future as much as you do. You're not letting this boyfriend of yours put ideas in your head, are you?" he asked me.  
  
"He's not my boyfriend, and no, I thought about this on my own. It's just something that concerns me every now and then. You know I want nothing but happiness for you, Hiro." I told him.  
  
"Thank you, Shindou-san. I feel the same way, buddy. I know you're worried about our upcoming concert and your relationship with that writer fellow, but everything will work out. You can count on that." Hiro said.  
  
I moved over to where Hiro was sitting and embraced him from behind the chair. He smiled and patted my arm affectionately.  
  
"Thank you, Hiro. You have no idea how much that means to me." I said.  
  
It was finally the night of the big concert and I was sweating bullets. I was just as excited about going onstage as I was nervous about facing that crowd. The show was very nearly sold out and big audiences always tended to give me mild stage fright. Hiro tried to help me by giving me a shoulder massage, but his nearness only made me more anxious. Sensing my anxiety, he sat down in front of me, took both my hands in his and rested his forehead against mine.  
  
"Shuichi, I know this is a big deal for us and for Bad Luck, but I want you not to lose faith in us, okay? Let's go out there and have a great show." he told me.  
  
I nodded in agreement, meeting his eyes with mine. "Yes, yes, you're right. I'm ready, Hiroshi. Tonight belongs to the two of us and to Bad Luck!" I exclaimed.  
  
"That's the spirit! Let's go." he said.  
  
Once we got onstage and introduced ourselves to our surprised audience, who was barely aware there was an opening act, all my nervousness was gone in anticapation of actually performing. But before I could start to sing our first song, I spied the man who had betrayed me standing in the back of the concert hall.  
  
Yuki Eiri.  
  
I clenched my fists in anger, remembering how he had called me a liar, how he had told me to leave that night, how he had said that the kisses we shared meant nothing...I could not find the words to start singing for the crowd, making them and the headlining group Ask angry in the process.  
  
What I didn't expect was to hear was a lone voice singing from within the audience, a familiar masculine voice singing the lyrics of a very familiar song. The crowd parted the way as he walked onstage, and when I looked into his eyes, I knew exactly who he was without a doubt.  
  
"Ryuuichi Sakuma?!!" I whispered.  
  
"Now really Shindou-san, you're not going to disappoint one of your biggest fans when I came all this way just to see you perform?" he asked me.  
  
I almost melted on the floor, listening to the smooth richness of his deep masculine voice. "My...biggest fan?" I stuttered.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ryuuichi Sakuma of Nittle Grasper. Nice to see all of you tonight. These are my friends Bad Luck. You have to excuse my buddy Shuichi here. He's just having a bout of stage fright. Be sure to give these guys a warm welcome for me." Ryuuichi said.  
  
He turned to me then with the smile I had never ever wanted to forget.  
  
"Go ahead and sing, Shuichi. Your friend Hiro and I believe in you." he said.  
  
Well, that was all it took for me. having my 'rock god' encouraging me, I felt I had nothing to lose, even with my so called boyfriend watching me.  
  
Hiro and I launched into our first song, which the audience really enjoyed and even Ryuuichi stayed onstage and sang with me.  
  
I was in heaven. Sharing the experience of performing in front of such a large audience and doing so alongside my first love Ryuuichi Sakuma...this was truly a night to remember!  
  
For the life of me, I have no idea why I decided to ditch Ryuuichi and Hiro at the concert hall to go see Yuki that night. I knew there was no way he would ever want to see me that night, but there was a part of me that believed that I was the reason that he showed up to see our concert.  
  
To my surprise, a very sleepy Yuki answered the door and allowed me to come in. I followed him over to his large bay window, where he and I looked out onto the night sky.  
  
"Yuki, why did you show up for Bad Luck's concert tonight?" I asked.  
  
"I did it because I felt badly about what I said to you. I accused you of lying to me about your intentions when you were completely innocent. I mostly went because I knew how much it meant to you, Shuichi." he told me.  
  
Despite my best efforts, I felt myself get chocked up at his words and I felt him catch the stray tear that fell from my eyes.  
  
"Gods, the last thing I want to do is make you cry, Shuichi. I have made my share of people in this lifetime. I don't want you to be one of those people. You mean too much to me." he said softly.  
  
I stared at him then, never imagining that I would hear such words from this man, this man that seemed not to have any emotions whatsoever.  
  
"Yuki..." I whispered.  
  
He put a finger to my lips. "Hush, sweetheart. Let me love you tonight." he said.  
  
My eyes widened at the realization of his words. I wondered if there was any possible way he could know that the kisses we had shared in the elevator had been my first, that I had never, ever been intimate with anyone ever. I shook a little from the knowledge of my inexperience, but he didn't seem to notice. He was much too intent in letting his intentions be known to me by taking my face in his hands and covering my mouth with his.  
  
It was a different kiss than before, still just as passionate as ever, but this kiss' sole purpose seemed to be to stimulate and arouse all my senses at once. I gasped as he pulled away from me breathlessly, burying his head in my hair.  
  
"Did I tell you how cute I thought you looked out there tonight, Shuichi? That's why I didn't hesitate to answer my door tonight. I was waiting for you, so I could show you how much I wanted you." he whispered.  
  
I threw myself into his embrace, experimentally carressing his outer ear with my tongue. He shuddered when I did that and hauled me up roughly against him, taking firm, possession of my mouth with an almost feral groan.  
  
In his efforts to be gentle with me, he broke the kiss unexpectantly and swept me up into his arms, taking me into his bedroom. Lying me down on the mattress, I quickly rose to my knees to face him as he stood at the foot of the bed. As if my hands had a mind of their own, he watched me as my hands splayed out over his shirt, slowly unbuttoning the buttons to reveal his strong, masculine chest.  
  
I took my time exploring the contours of him, the hard planes of his upper chest, a sharp contrast to the softness of his taunt stomach. Meeting my eyes with his, he leaned down onto the mattress, pinning my body underneath his.  
  
Our lips met in a deep, passionate kiss as he shrugged off his shirt and pulled mine off of me. Startled by the sudden feeling of his hands against my bare skin, he took advantage of my parted lips, exploring my mouth with his tongue. Mine came up to meet his, and this only made him groan again. The feeling of his hands touching my bare chest produced the same effect for me, especially when he pinched my nipples.  
  
"Like that, do you? We'll have to do something about that." he taunted.  
  
I hadn't known that would be a sensitive area on me until he had touched me there, and was convinced furthur of that fact when I felt him move his head down my chest to take one into his mouth, nipping and licking me there, while pinching the other with his long fingers.  
  
I moaned helplessly and arched my back towards him, as he continued his attentions, with me burying my face in his hair. This time I intentionally swiped my tongue against his ear, producing the results I desired. He grinned wickedly at me, pinning my wrists to the bed with one hand.  
  
"Found my hot spot, did you? Let's see if we can find some of yours." he teased.  
  
He was like a man possessed after that, assaulting my young body with every kind of pleasurable sensation he could think of on me. It was obvious that my soft whimpers and low moans got him as excited as he was making me, and I jumped, startled, when one of his hands skimmed across my covered arousal.  
  
His eyes met mine for a moment to survey my reaction, and found only acceptance of him. My hips shook from my need for him to touch me there and I tried to encourage him by loosening the shorts I had wore for the concert. He sat up on his knees above me, grabbing my backside with both hands to stop me.  
  
"No. I like what you're wearing. Leave it on." he said.  
  
I inhaled sharply as he pressed his body down against mine, fisting both hands into my hair as he captured my lips with his, making us both dizzy from his hot, wet open mouth kiss. He chuckled at my breathless pleas as he kissed and licked his way down my body, determained to drive me insane from his attentions. I shrieked as he licked my navel and headed down lower, stroking me through my shorts.  
  
"For a short teenager, you're certainly not lacking in size. I'm impressed." he teased.  
  
I blushed furiously, unsure of how to respond to his compliment. I did know that my hips were shaking uncontrollably from his teasing strokes, my arousal very hard and painful against the confines of my clothes.  
  
I gasped as he left me momentarily, and finished undressing. He laid down beside me on the bed on his side, pulling me over to face him. Grabbing my hand, he glided it down his stomach down below his waist, where I gasped when he pressed my hand against him.  
  
"The night is still young. I want you very badly. I want you to touch me." he told me.  
  
Slightly hesitant and a little unsure of myself, I decided to try, wanting him to feel as good as he had made me. He was considerably larger than I was, and his hard, warm flesh quivered against my fingers, his hips pressing him into my hand. I watched his eyes roll back into his head and him bite his lower lip as I experimented with what I was doing, not exactly sure what I should do to make him feel good. He seemed to like a little bit of everything, especially the teasing touches between his inner thighs and the slightly harder pressure at the top of his trembling arousal.  
  
With another feral groan, he flipped me over onto my back, allowing me to feel his hardness against mine.  
  
"My turn." he breathed.  
  
Again he lowered himself below my waist and I gasped when I felt him loosen my pants furthur and part the fabric to reveal me to him. I found it hard to breathe as he carressed me, making my whole body shake more than ever from his touches. My eyes widened in surprise as I suddenly felt his warm breath against me.  
  
"Yuki!" I exclaimed, as I felt him take all of me into his mouth at once.  
  
All words became null and void in my throat as I felt him engulf me completely into his mouth. There was no way I could have ever have imagined the pleasurable sensations his mouth could produce on my most sensitive area. Again it was obvious that he knew exactly what he was doing, from the way the twin sensations of his hands between my thighs was teasing me to the way he would alternate between the wetness of his tongue on top to the hard suction of his mouth all over.  
  
It was as if he wanted me to lose myself, and I knew I would if he kept it up much longer...chuckling again at my surprised gasp as he released me to move up my body to face me, I searched his gaze questionately as he met my eyes with his.  
  
He answered my question without words, reaching down to stroke me again as he lowered his mouth over mine for a deep, passionate kiss. He swallowed all my impassioned moans with a few of his own as he brought me to completion with a loud cry.Withering helplessly in his arms, I realized he was still in need himself. As good as he had made me feel, I was willing to do whateve it took to make him feel the same way.  
  
My eyes burned with unshed tears as I searched for the words to tell him of my intentions, but it seemed as though he already knew. He kissed me again, this time much more gentle than before as he prepared me for what he intended to do. This was a completely new thing to me, an intimate place I'd never even touched myself, except for when I bathed. Even as painful as it felt, it was not entirely unpleasant. I felt almost honored that the long fingers of such a talented writer were goving me such complete satisfaction, and the thought of fullfilling his needs brought tears to my eyes.  
  
"Please, I need you." I pleaded.  
  
That was all the affirmation he needed, as he took possesion of me, his harsh, passionate cries like music to my ears. The pain of his actions felt like it was enough to rip me apart, but I couldn't get enough of him. He thrust harder and deeper inside of me as I dug my short nails into his back, him crying out my name as he found his release. Pulling me into his embrace afterwards, I sighed with contentment, falling asleep in my lover's arms... 


	5. changes

Disclaimer-Gravitation does not belong to me.  
  
I had never been one of those people that were for the other shoe to drop, but after what Yuki and I shared the night before, I wanted to believe that everything was alright with the world.  
  
As well as Hiro and I knew each other, I knew that he would be able to tell that my whole life had changed overnight, that I was not the same Shuichi I had been before. Not only had I recieved my first kiss, but now I was somebody's lover, having been given the gift of a night of passionate lovemaking.  
  
It had been like everything I had thought it would be, and had exceeded my expectations infinity. I was literally giddy in my joy over what happened between Yuki and I, and couldn't wait to share it with my best friend in the whole world.  
  
We had decided to meet in the park where I had first met Yuki, and I knew him instantly through the small crowd that was walking about there. He had rode his motorcycle there to meet me, but his long dark mane looked none the worse for its punishment. He smiled and waved when he saw me, my heart skiping a beat as I saw him.  
  
"Hiroshi!" I shouted, throwing myself into his arms.  
  
Hiro laughed, not surprised at all by my attack, and embraced me. "Hey buddy, I missed you too. You look like you've had a good day." he said.  
  
I nodded in agreement, clasping my hands together in front of me. "I am so happy, Hiroshi! I'll bet you can't guess why!" I exclaimed.  
  
Hiro smiled. "Well, anything that could make my best friend smile the way you are right now must be something really special. Does it have anything to do with Bad Luck?" he asked.  
  
I blushed. "No, but it does have to do with music, the kind that fills your heart when you're the happiest." I told him.  
  
Hiro's eyes suddenly widened with realization. "I know what it is now! It's about you and Yuki, isn't it? You met him last night after the concert, didn't you? Something must have happened last night between you to keep you from gushing about finally meeting Ryuuichi Sakuma face to face." Hiro said.  
  
I glared at him. "If I didn't love you so much, Hiroshi, I'd swear you were taking my fun away on purpose, but nothing could spoil my mood today! Yuki and I became lovers last night, Hiro! Aren't you happy for me?" I asked.  
  
"Well, congratulations. No one deserves happiness more than you, Shindou- san. He must be a great guy to make you feel this good. I'm happy for you, buddy. Here, I brought you a helmut. We have a meeting with Sakano this afternoon." he told me.  
  
"I'm ready. Let's go." I told him, taking the protective gear from him.  
  
I hopped up behind him on the motorcycle, embracing him tightly around the waist as we drove off. I rested my head against the soft leather of his jacket, his hair tickling my face a little, glad that he had a firm waist to be able to endure my arms around him to hold on. The scent of him comforted me as we sped down the road.  
  
"You're right about my meeting Ryuuichi Sakuma too, Hiro. It seems ever since we hooked up with our manager Sakano, that all of our dreams have been coming to fruitation. Now that Ryuuichi is one of my biggest fans and I have you and Yuki in my life, I just know that you and I can achieve whatever we set our minds to, Hiro!" I told him.  
  
He smiled. "I never had any doubts, Shindou-san." he said.  
  
I knew it had to be because of Hiro's faith in us and Bad Luck that kept me from being nervous sitting in the spacious office of the president of our record company, Touma Seguchi. I was more in awe of him than anything, having spent the last five years worshipping the late band like they were the second coming. Ryuuichi had always been my motivation, but even Touma mystified me with his larger than life presense.  
  
"Do you think I'll be like that when I'm famous, Hiro, like a star every young man expires to be like? I hope so!" I gushed.  
  
He beeped my nose. "Shush." he said.  
  
"Thank you for coming on such short notice, gentlemen. It is always a pleasure to see the three of you, the driving force behind Bad Luck, Sakano, Hiroshi, and most importantly Shuichi...I have brought you here today to announce that I have decided to sigh your group to a record deal..." Touma began.  
  
Hiro and I highfived each other with a loud cheer between us. "Yes! I knew we could do it! You and me all the way, Hiroshi!" I exclaimed.  
  
He smiled. "You know it, buddy." he agreed.  
  
Touma ran his fingers through his shaggy platinum blonde hair in frustration at us interrupting him. "There is a stipulation, however, before I can give this project the green light. I think the two of you are very talented, nearly to the scale of our former Nittle Grasper even, but your music lacks a certain something that makes it sellable.  
  
Your manager Sakano and I have had many meetings trying to figure out the best way to fine tune your sound without compromising your musical intregrity. Our best solution that we came up with was to recruit a new member into your group." Touma said.  
  
I rose to my feet then, my eyes as wide as saucers at this news. "What?! You can't be serious! Another bandmate...to make us a trio? This is unacceptable! This is mine and Hiro's band. We created Bad Luck, just the two of us!" I shouted.  
  
Touma nodded, agreeing completely. "Yes. Believe me, I understand how you feel. Ryuuichi used to respond the same way whenever the record company would insist on having studio musicians play backup for him and I. He was as proud of Nittle Grasper as you are of your band, and he eventually came to realize that to get his music heard by a larger audience, sometimes you had to be willing to do whatever it takes.  
  
Like I said, I am a musician myself, so I understand the importance of staying true to your craft and I promise you, Shuichi, this new band member is more than qualified. Of course I won't force you to decide right away. Take some time to talk this over with your partner Hiro and let me know what you decide." Touma said.  
  
Sakano turned to us then. "Please wait for me in the meeting room. I will be along shortly." he told us.  
  
I hadn't dared to interrupt Touma while we were sitting within his office, but inside I was fuming. As much I admired the man, asking Hiro and I to take on a new band member was like slicing my wrists open for all to see. He claimed to understand my predicament, but if that were true, he never would have made the suggestion in the first place.  
  
Bad Luck was my life, my reason for existing, it was everything to me and to allow someone I didn't even know share what Hiro and I created together...it was unthinkable! It was hard to tell how affected Hiro was by this news. He had always been the straight man to my excitable persona, and hadn't said a word since we left the meeting. He looked up into my eyes as I cocked my head at him in curiousity.  
  
'I'd ask you for your opinion, if it wasn't so blantly obvious, Shindou- san." Hiro said.  
  
"You can't blame me for the way I feel,, Hiro. You know I have wrapped my world up into this musical destiny you and I have built together! How do you feel about this, Hiro? Aren't you incensed over this whole concept?" I asked him.  
  
"I'm not sure if you really want my opinion, Shuichi." he said in a regretful voice.  
  
"What?! You don't think he's right, do you? That we need someone to play with us to fine tune our sound?" I asked.  
  
"Look Shuichi, you know that Bad Luck means just as much to me as it does to you, but I don't look at our music through rose colored glasses like you do. I've always considered our music like a work in progress, something that we could always improve upon as our tastes in music widened and we discovered different forms of self expression. There's a part of me that thinks that maybe we should give Touma's idea a try." he said.  
  
I stared at my best friend then, at the verge of tears, at a loss for words on what to say to him. It was like I didn't know him at all, this man who I had thought was my closest friend and the one with whom I had shared a future with. He sensed my shaking from both confusion and frustration, and reached out to touch my face gently.  
  
"You're overreacting as always, Shindou-san. This is not as big a deal as you're making it out to be...Hey!" he exclaimed.  
  
He staggered back a little in surprise as I reached my breaking point with his hateful words, slapping him hard across the face. Without thinking, he returned the punishment, hitting me a lot harder than I had hit him.  
  
The last thing I remembered before running out of the room in tears was Sakano arriving and trying to seperate Hiro and I from fighting. I had never been much of a fighter, but I knew my assault had been enough to make him respond in turn, the two of us waging a vicious verbal war that could leave deep emotional scars on both of us. I had no choice but to run away before Hiro and I jeapordized everything we had worked so hard for in the whirlwind of our heated exchange.  
  
I didn't know what upset me more, that Bad Luck needed to recruit a band member or that Hiro and I had such a bitter fight. In the whole time we had known each other, we very seldom argued and had never once had a physical fight like today, except for the occassional playful roughhousing. We had always made all the decisions concerning Bad Luck together, and it seemed like now we were on opposite sides of a war we could not win.  
  
Remembering the way Hiro had looked at me when I had slapped him tore me into pieces, just as it felt like he stabbed me in the back at the same time. There was no way I would be able to return to the company headquarters in this condition, too wretched with angry, sorrowful tears to find the strength to even stand.  
  
My sobbing began to cease as I felt the carress of a unfamiliar hand brush across my hair. I looked up into the very familiar eyes of the man I had always been able to count on and threw myself into his welcoming embrace. I buried my face into his fragrant brown hair, needing him as much now as I always had.  
  
"Ryuuichi...you're the only one that's always been there for me even when Hiro wasn't. I knew I could depend on you in my time of need." I cried.  
  
"Hiro? Do you mean that long haired guitarist friend of yours? Well of course, Shindou-san, I would never turn away someone who needed me. My manager and I were here to see Touma this afternoon and I insisted that we stop here when I saw that it was you. Dry your tears now, Shuichi. Are you and your friend having problems? Is there anything I can do?" he asked.  
  
I sat up on my knees, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. I blinked a few times to make sure that I hadn't imagined seeing my idol Ryuuichi kneeling beside me. Even more larger than life than Touma had been, I knew for sure that he wasn't an illusion. The man I idolized had held me in his arms, comforting me, the heat of his body mixing sweetly with the pure male scent of him.  
  
As much as I cared about Yuki, Ryuuichi had been my first real love. He looked as good today as he always did, in a pair of tight black jeans that seemed to have molded themselves to his frame, and a hald unbuttoned black silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up.  
  
"I don't have much, Shuichi, but I have a few things I own on me that I can offer you...let's see...I have a piece of pocket lint, a wooden toy insect from a vending machine, some change with holes in the middle, a bird's nest, maybe, with birds still in it, even a large bottle of sake." he laughed.  
  
I took the bottle of sake from him and gulped it all down in one swallow to the surprise of both him, his manager and the crowd that had started to gather around us. I stumbled a little as I stood up, having Ryuuichi to help me stand up straight.  
  
"Do you feel any better now, Shindou-san?" he asked me.  
  
I looke dup into his reassuring gaze. "Well, I'm not sure exactly how I feel right now, but I'm not going to allow some bastard to take away what I've worked for all this time! I'm going to go in there and fight to save my band's good name!" I shouted.  
  
The crowd applauded loudly at my words and I made an attempt to bow, grabbed by Ryuuichi and his manager before I could fall flat on my face. Too full of myself to remember to thank him, I took off back towards the studio, tripping in my drunkenness.  
  
What I didn't realize is that on the way down I had assaulted a young man, nearly breaking his nose from my foot landing across his face. Our accident had caused him to drop all the paperwork he had been holding in his arms, an assortment of sheet music and an eclectic selection of compact discs.  
  
"Oh my, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have been in such a rush. That was so thoughtless of me. Let me take you inside and get you some medical attention." I told him.  
  
"You look like you need it more than I do...Hey! I know you! You're Shuichi shindou, the lead singer for Bad Luck! You're just the person I wanted to see." he said, smiling through the drying blood covering his hands and face.  
  
"You've heard of me? No kidding? You really came here specifically to meet me?" I asked.  
  
"Oh yes, definitely, you and your friend Hiro. My name is Fujisaki. I'm the new recruit for Bad Luck." he said with a smile.  
  
My life was over as I knew it, but at least I had Yuki to listen to me talk about all the troubles of my day, arguing with Hiro, meeting Fujisaki...I must have gone on and on for hours on everything that was going on with me, feeling even more comfortable with my blonde lover than I usually did talking to Hiro. It was a relief to unburden myself by talking to him, but about the time I thought he would invite me into his bed, he instead asked me to leave.  
  
"I'm sorry, Yuki. I guess I just lost track of time. I promise I won't say another word for the rest of the night." I pleaded.  
  
"Please just leave for tonight, Shuichi. I need some peace and quiet, some time to myself." he told me.  
  
I reluctantly agreed, leaving him with a kiss on the cheek and a warm embrace goodnight. Afterwards, I headed to the only place I knew I could reach in the middle of the night, hoping I wouldn't be turned away. I had drank and talked myself to the point of utter exhaustion, and could barely find the strength to even knock on my best friend's door.  
  
"Shuichi, what are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." he told me.  
  
I collasped at his feet. "Yes I know, Hiro. I just didn't have anywhere else to go. I'm sorry, Hiro. Please forgive me." I said.  
  
He knelt beside me and assisted me into the house, helping me into his already warm bed and pulling the covers over us. He smiled at me, brushing the hair way from my eyes.  
  
"There's nothing to forgive, Shindou-san." he whispered. 


	6. first clues

Disclaimer-Gravitation does not belong to me.  
  
As if yesterday hadn't been a day enough for me, the next day proved to be even worse. After finding out in a meeting with Touma, Sakano and Hiro that this new recruit Fujisaki was Touma's nephew, the young teen asked me to listen to a new arrangement that he and Hiro had made of my song.  
  
After Hiro's kindness the night before, it was hard to be angry at him for standing alongside his feelow musician, the two of them creating an instant buzz throughout the building with his creation.  
  
Even though I would never admit it to him, his rendition of Bad Luck's signature song was not half bad. The dark haired teen was a keyboardist just like his uncle, and had stayed true to our sound and style. It was as if he had been with us all along. Despite that, it still upset me to hear the song Hiro and I poured our souls into played by someone who was pratically a stranger.  
  
'I realize you think I'm the most terrible enemy to your group, but really Shuichi, Bad Luck has to be my all time most favorite band! I've been following you since you started, even used my connection with my uncle to get into clubs to see you. What did you think of your song? I hope I was able to honor the purity of your wonderful group with my meager talent." Fujisaki said.  
  
He was wrong. He was no meager talent. Hiro had filled me in on him this morning, about him studying music for more than ten years and dedicating his craft to emulate the most progressive rock bands his eager ears could hear.  
  
Fujisaki was just as obsessive about his work as I was, and I wanted so badly to love this new version of our song as he did. It was my pride and dignity that kept me from doing so. It was a matter of principle. I walked away from them both without a word.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Fujisaki. This is just Shuichi's way. He'll come around." Hiro told him.  
  
It surprises me how little I knew of what was going on while Hiro and I were trying to make Bad Luck famous.  
  
It wasn't until years after the fact that Hiro told me of the night he had gone to Yuki's house for a visit. I had been out doing my own thing, god knows where, and my best friend had decided to meet my lover out of concern for me.  
  
Hiro knew how much Yuki meant to me and how it seemed that the blonde older man was sometimes cold and distant towards me. That visit...should have been my first clue.  
  
"I know you...You're Hiroshi Nakano, Shuichi's best friend. You're out awfully late for a school night." Yuki told him from the doorway, allowing him to come in.  
  
"I came out here out of concern for Shuichi and our friendship doesn't revolve on the hands of the clock." Hiro said.  
  
"You need not be concerned about he and I. Whatever is going on between the two of us, we'll deal with on our own. You don't have to worry about my being a third wheel. I have no intention of coming between two best friends." Yuki said.  
  
"I just want you to know that Shuichi cares about you very much and he deserves to be with someone who will treat him right. Just know...that if Shuichi ever has a reson to cry other than his own ignorance, you will not hear the end of it from me." Hiro told him sternly.  
  
Yuki smirked. "You're very protective. That's good. That shows that you and Shuichi have a very strong bond. And what about your feelings for Shuichi, Hiroshi? Surely after being such good friends for such a long time, then you must have feelings of your own for him?" Yuki asked.  
  
Hiro narrowed his eyes at him. "My feelings are only my concern. I'm going now, but remember what I have said here tonight." Hiro said.  
  
"Goodnight, Hiroshi." Yuki said.  
  
It seems like a lot of my time lately has been spent in this park, under the moonlit sky, contemplating the troubles that it seems I bring upon myself. As bad as I felt about hurting Fujisaki's feelings, there was no way he could understand how much passion and hard work Hiro and I had put into the formation of Bad Luck. I could not fathom how some teenaged boy, despite his talent, could just insert himself into an already formed band.  
  
"I think you're just getting all upset for nothing." a voice told me.  
  
I turned to face my visitor and was surprised to find that it was Yuki.  
  
"Yuki, what are you doing out here?" I asked him.  
  
"I came because I thought about everything you said yesterday and wanted to give you my opinion about the situation. I have a few years on you and a little bit of knowledge about the industry. I have known my brother-in-law Touma Seguichi since we were children and I trust him not to steer you in the wrong direction. He has a very good ear for musical talent, and this new keyboardist he's selected for you will be a very good addition to your group." Yuki said.  
  
"I didn't realize you had put so much thought into my problems, Yuki." I said.  
  
"I don't really have much of a choice, do I? It's getting late. You can stay with me tonight if you want, as long as you promise to let me get some work down on my novels." he said.  
  
I smiled. "Okay." I said.  
  
"I hope you don't mind. Nittle Grasper is my favorite band, after all." I told Yuki, as I sat down beside him on the couch.  
  
I had been carrying around a new copy of just released Nittle Grasper videos that I had planned to watch with Hiro, but Yuki had been okay with me playing it at a decent sound level. It was my third time watching it, the first two times while Yuki was working in his study.  
  
I had wanted to read what he was writing, but I felt it best not to bother him. I jumped slightly when he slumped down behind me on the couch with a half drank glass of wine in his hands. I could feel his eyes on me as we sat there together, goosebumps rising all over my skin when he lightly grazed his fingers across my arms.  
  
He looked at what I was looking at on the screen, the inage of my idol Ryuuichi in their most popular video, which had been edited to extend an extra few minutes. the very sexy, very toned Ryuuichi was stripping himself of his white mesh tee shirt slowly, revealing his sleek abs and toned chest.  
  
I shivered watching this, as I always did. It was still hard to believe this man had held me in his arms not too long ago. That thought caused a whole new set of goosebumps. I heard Yuki chuckle and set his glass down on the stand beside him.  
  
"It's no wonder I had so much peace and quiet tonight. Ryuuichi Sakuma really does it for you, doesn't he?" he breathed into my ear.  
  
"You sound like you're jealous." I teased.  
  
He chuckled again, his arms moving swiftly around me, one around my waist, the other betwen my legs.  
  
"We're getting feisty, are we? I like that. You should be that way more often. You're so timid with me, Shuichi...it's like you're afraid to make any kind of noises. I don't mind you being loud. I like it when I know you like what I'm doing." Yuki said.  
  
"Yuki..." I whispered, blushing furiously.  
  
He smiled at me. "You know, you are so cute sometimes, I just can't resist you, Shuichi. It makes me want to have my way with you over and over again." he rasped huskily.  
  
I could feel my body heat rising with his words. I could tell the wine had loosened his tongue and that was why he was being so aggressive with me. Yet he had not yet touched me, just stared at me with those intense eyes of his.  
  
He had turned me to face him, so not to look at Ryuuichi, who had fueled my erotic fantasy until Yuki had come into the room. Yuki's words were only causing more friction in already painfully hard areas, and I wanted to take our intimacy to the next level just for him.  
  
He sighed as he slumped down on the couch, unbuttoning his shirt and pants to make himself more comfortable. He watched me as I undressed down to my pajama shorts, curving my body against his.  
  
I imitated what he had done the last time to me, gasping when he would gasp when I swiped my tongue across his nipples. I kissed his stomach and hips and moved his pants material aside so I could touch him. It was obvious that he had not expected that, and I in turn had not expected the sheer perfection of him.  
  
At that moment I wanted to worship at his altar, to drive him insane with whatever pleasure I could give him. I decided to dip my head below his waist and sweep my tongue up the length of him.  
  
"Shuichi...yeah, that's the way." he choked out, encouraging me.  
  
I began to imitate what he had done to me, carressing the heavy weight between his legs as I ran my tongue across the top of him slowly, making him gasp unexpectantly when I took him into my mouth. I took in as much of him as I could, considering his much larger size.  
  
His moans got harsher and a little louder by the moment and in an instant, he sat up halfway, tearing off his pants and my shorts. Guiding me with his hands on my hips, he pulled me down into a fierce, demanding kiss as he positioned me on top of him, needing me too badly to go slow.  
  
I let out a very loud groan as he penetrated me, my moans of pleasure echoing off the living room walls as he thrust hard inside of me. To prove to him that I could keep up, I rearranged my hips to change our angle and to allow me to take control.  
  
I moaned as I moved my hips onto him, causing the most delicious friction I'd ever felt. He and I were both becoming very loud as we came to the peak of our satisfaction, and I no longer ached as his back arched off the couch towards me in completion. He chuckled and forced me onto my back, pining my body to the couch.  
  
Tears came to my eyes and I cried out his name as I felt the hot, wet suction of his mouth wrap around my arousal, making me scream from my own completion. I panted in his arms afterwards, trying to catch my breath. He smiled and grabbed my backside, teasing me with his fingers. I sighed and allowed him to do so, just as eager for a second round as he was, unwilling to go anywhere but right there with him...  
  
After spending some quality time with my best friend Hiro early the next morning, reassuring the others that I would have no more issues with our new keyboardist and that I would show up for an afternoon recording session, I went to my parents' house and packed a bunch of my things to take over to Yuki's. I didn't intend to fully move in with him just yet, but I at least wanted to have some of my own things there so I wouldn't have to commute so much.  
  
As unsure as I was about the level of mine and Yuki's relationship, I felt somehow that I could trust him with some of my belongings and that he would be willing to allow me to stay with him. Somehow, even without him saying so, I really felt as though he really cared about me and wanted to be with me.  
  
There was no doubt in my mind about that until I saw his astonshed face when I showed up with baggage in tow. He seemed very upset and confused by my desire to stay with him, and this in turn confused me, considering what we had shared together and the fact that he had such a large apartment. It wa sonly after tears threatened to fall from my eyes that he thought about it and told me he would give me a chance.  
  
Overjoyed, I threw myself into his embrace, launching us both down onto the floor. He chuckled softly and shook his head, sitting up to face me, his eyes meeting mine.  
  
"You really are something else." he told me.  
  
He took my breath away in that instant with a gentle, heartfelt kiss, leaving me with a happy memory to take with me to the recording studio. 


End file.
